I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
