Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize