So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
did i just pee glitter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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