I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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