Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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