after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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