i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
