margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
