he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
