He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
its liver damage thursday
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