I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
