Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
