There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
