I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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