Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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