Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
