Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
