Porn is love you can see.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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