Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
