Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
