last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
