allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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