and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
