god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
