the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
