I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
