If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
