I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
