im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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