Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
