oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
