He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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