I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
