look no pants
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?