If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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