Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.