I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
