you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
