I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
