So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
