There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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