Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize