How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
