you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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