I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm too high and old for this...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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