Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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