if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize