Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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