I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
