Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
