He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
