omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
