so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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