Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
