My first STD was from a foam party
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
