I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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