I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
