Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
