I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
