genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
