oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
