you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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