there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
