apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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