being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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