She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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