its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.