Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.