So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
