hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list