very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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