I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.