I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
