Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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