u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
