It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
