I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
