"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
