1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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