He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
