I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
